It Gets Uglier

So you know how a few days ago I said my kid threw up but I was sure it was just bad chicken?

It probably was.

Regardless, she did it again [throw up, I mean].  All night, Wednesday night, every 15 minutes on the dot.

rest came at 5 a.m.

You know what that means?  My child was actually sick. I think this was a first.

And then, yesterday, I woke to the same [throwing up, I mean]. Not every fifteen minutes, thankfully, but it was a long 24 hours.  The last time I remember feeling that awful, I was pregnant.

Now I don't ever want to be pregnant again [that was a joke].

So now we're just waiting for Josh's turn and then I think we will be done with this who being sick thing for a good, long while.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

 [1] The Good. Life around here has been full, but I'm half surprised by how good it has feels.  Granted, I'm sitting here at 2 p.m. drinking yet another cup of coffee, and our guest bathroom smells like pee [after this post, I'm on the hunt for the source]...  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that lots of the mundane daily tasks, like sleeping and cleaning, have gone by the wayside. Still, life has been good.

Being intentional about doing film stuff with my husband has been really, really good for us and our marriage. Last week we had the film shoot for "Dudes Episode Two" at our house [it's okay if you have no idea what I'm talking about], and since then I have spent hours in front of the computer learning how to edit, watching Josh edit, and even doing a bit of my own.  Turns out being musical helps with that whole movie editing thing. Who woulda thunk?

[2] The Bad. There's been a nasty puke-virus going around our circle of friends, and we almost got it.  Kiddo was rocking some serious grumpies on Monday, which turned into a vomit-fest all over her toys [yay]. Good news was, it wasn't a virus - just some old chicken I forced her to eat a few hours earlier.

Others, however, have not been so lucky. I had the honor of taking care of a sick friend's kiddos for nine hours, making me a "mother" to three children for the day. For my "hard" work, I was rewarded with an accident minutes after arrival [hence the pee smell in the bathroom] and watching my husband wrangle a wiggling 7 month old with a blowout.  Our kid was never a gymnast during diaper changes, so this was Josh's first time deciding which was worse, a poop covered infant, or a poop covered carpet. I wish you had been there.

In all seriousness, all the kids were really manageable the whole time.  But I am officially stating here that mothers of three young children deserve  medals for bravery.

[3] The Ugly. Thinking that frozen spinach is a decent replacement for fresh spinach when making smoothies.  I tell you this, I tell you this, I tell you this: it is not.

And this gluten-free cupcake mix? Weird, ugly, no good. I'd hate to see what bad Passover cupcakes are like.

My C-Section Story - Part 2

Before I get started again, I want to say that yes! there is a part one, right here.  If you haven't read it yet, you might want to.  It will probably explain a few things.

And also, a disclaimer: this is still part of a written birth story account, so once again, some of it is probably not suitable for all audiences. You still have the option to watch this hilarious video.

I have no intention of scaring anyone with my story. I simply want to share my story for three reasons: one, to get it out of my head and down permanently. Two, I want to have the memories recorded before I forget any more.  Third, I hope that somehow I can encourage some one else through my story so that they may not feel so alone.

While going through the physical and emotional healing process of my c-section was very hard for me, I am thankful that they do exist.  And while it is easy for me to wonder if I could have done things differently and avoided having one, reality is that I made the best choices at the time with the information I was given. Ultimately, I know that no one was at fault - my c-section was simply a part of living in a broken world. 

When I met my daughter for the first time, she was still swollen, although not as badly as at first.  Josh made sure to show me pictures of how bad it initially was.  I was afraid that I had cursed my child with an ugly face.  Thankfully within a day the swelling was down and she actually turned into a very adorable newborn.

The first nursing session went well [in large part due to the fact that she had to wait two hours for food], and she was in perfect health.  I was so happy to be done and amazed that I had survived "it" - a c-section.

I still couldn't move from the waist down, and in no time at all the post-surgery shakes hit me [if you haven't experienced this, it is something else.  I was so cold, even with 3 heated blankets over me, and I shook uncontrollably and visibly for I don't know how long].

I think a little after 5 p.m. we finally got the green flag and moved up to the mother-baby unit.  I remember the nurse coming in, introducing herself, and telling me a bunch about the IV pain meds that I couldn't really track with.  She put pressure cuffs around my calves and told me to get some rest. The cuffs would go off randomly, one leg and then the next, working to prevent blood clots from forming. Each time they would go off, I would get jolted out of my half-stunned state. Getting any rest with those on was a joke.

I remember my parents finally coming in to their new granddaughter.  Details evade me.  I don't know if I actually ate any dinner or not.

I remember a talk at one point from the nurse about the breast pump.  I didn't realize that using it was optional - so I used it regularly to pump nothing out.

I remember realizing at one point that I had soaked through the pads I was wearing in my mesh "underwear" and being embarrassed to have the nurse roll my still-paralyzed body around on the bed while she cleaned up after me.

I remember the night nurse coming in and deciding for some reason that my baby wasn't nursing well.  She had me pump, then fed the little bit of colostrum to my baby through a syringe. Looking back now, I wish I could remember her reasons for doing that.

I remember the first time I got up to walk, once I finally felt my feet again.  The ache in my abdomen was awful.  I don't care what they say about making sure you stand up straight after a c-section - there was no way I was going to be able to stand upright for while.

I remember hobbling around the room in the wee hours of the morning with a crying baby I couldn't soothe, crying myself, with my exhausted husband sleeping through all of it on the chair-bed in the corner. I felt too guilty to wake him up [it had been a very long two days for him as well], but at the same time furious that he could sleep through her cries while I couldn't.

I remember the surgeon coming in at 6 a.m. to check my incision.  He had trouble looking me in the face, and barely took a peek at his handy work.

I remember that I started struggling with breastfeeding because the pain of latching was intense.  I remember my nipples were raw and bleeding, having the lactation consultant come in twice, and again, the night nurse deciding to syringe feed my baby at 3 a.m.

I remember that eating food was surprisingly easy to do after surgery. I remember showering was surprisingly mortifying. Measuring my pee output was particularly mortifying as well.

I remember pulling off the stickies over my incision and expecting my incision site to burst open.  It didn't.  I remember how messy post-delivery was.  I felt like I was getting blood everywhere.

I remember confusion the second night over the class I needed to attend before being allowed discharge.  The first nurse told me I could stay in the room and sleep - my husband could go in my place because I was a c-section patient.  Five minutes later, the head nurse and teacher of the course came storming in my room, telling me I was late for class and "what on earth was I thinking?"  I remember spending the entire hour of the class falling asleep in my chair, over and over.  I have no memory of anything she told us that night.

I remember the excitement of hearing "discharge" the next morning.  I was lucky to be getting out so early with a c-section, but apparently I was doing "exceptionally well." I remember the nurse that day was my favorite, and she actually knew what she was talking about and was actually really helpful with explaining meds and breastfeeding.

I remember the surgeon coming back in again during discharge, this time to give me a prescription of birth control, telling me that taking it sooner than the 8 week recommended wait was a good idea - I didn't want to accidentally get pregnant again too soon.  I remember a part of me was pretty miffed that he assumed I was that dumb.

I remember carefully dressing my baby up, afraid of breaking her fingers through the sleeves, and of getting her strapped into her carseat 30 minutes too soon.  I remember seeing my swollen belly, swollen feet, and realizing that it was going to be some time before I felt normal again.  This realization made me incredibly sad.

I remember getting the option to walk out of the hospital instead of going in a wheelchair because I was doing so well post-operation.  I decided to slowly hobble my way out, so I could proudly show each person I passed that I was a big, brave, new mama. I survived the worst, and I was walking out on my own.

I remember waiting for Josh to bring the car around to the front of the hospital and thinking how momentous today was for only me, and no one else outside would ever understand this moment like I would.

There are a book's worth of memories about the first couple months of Kiddo's life [breastfeeding! sleeping! not sleeping! doctor's visits! and a hospital stay!], and to add to it, I had this scar.  It would never go away, no matter how much it may fade.  Forever until death it would affect my life - a detail I would have to note in every medical form, a line I would always be able to feel on my skin, a distinct part of my life's story. It's been a long process coming to terms with what my c-section means now.

I learned that at the end of the pregnancy road comes not the experience of birth, but a baby. When I was pregnant, I was so wrapped up in the details of the experience of birthing my first child that when it didn't happen the way I wanted, I was crushed. This isn't to say that I didn't want the baby at the end [I very much wanted her], but I think I didn't have my priorities straight.

I've also begun to understand a tiny bit better what earthly suffering is about, and where God fits into all of it. I don't know if God made me have a c-section for some specific reason - in fact, I wonder if there really is no reason at all for it. It may be that I simply live in a fallen world, and therefore experienced the natural consequences of the original sin.  But I've decided I'm not going to look for answers from God.  I'm going to look for a chance to give my hurting heart, tight throat, and tears to Him each time they surface. And so far, He has blessed my efforts to do so.  For that, I am grateful.

Father's Day Re-Cap

Happy [belated] Father's Day!

It's been really fun to get to celebrate this holiday the last couple of years, because my very own husband is now a father himself.  We spent this year's Father's day discussing which sushi restaurant in Tempe had the best chance of being as good as Hawaiian sushi. We finally settled on Sushi 101 because most sushi places are actually closed for Sunday lunch out here [boo].

Conclusion: the sashimi just doesn't compare to fresh sashimi from the islands, but their cheetah roll was surprisingly delicious.

I Heart Miso Soup on Vimeo.

Kiddo's first conclusion: Miso soup is bottom-lip-sucking good. The extra-deep spoon ain't so bad either.

Kiddo's second conclusion: chopsticks are fun. And the sushi sauce is far more delicious than sushi itself. Maybe next year.

Also, we three made a video for our dads in honor of all the years they've been dads. Make sure to tell me how awesome the editing job was, okay?  It was my first time - I'm a natural, I know ;)

Father's Day 2013 on Vimeo.

And on a personal note, I am incredibly thankful to be surrounded by three great dads in my life.  I realize even more now how blessed Josh and I are to have dads who are involved, loving, and hard workers to look to as role models as we try to do our best at this parenting thing.  I can see the overflow of their love come out through Josh as he loves and raises our goober.

So thanks, dads!

The Week's Menu

The last couple of weeks have been so full of leftovers that cooking was pretty minimal and haphazard.  I did, however, have a few recipes from the last couple weeks to share with you.

Easy Enchies

I made this recipe a couple times over the last couple weeks, each time for different groups of people we had over.  No complaints yet.

Honey Baked Lentils
This is another recipe I relied heavily on during the deployment days.  And I promise, it tastes a million times better than it looks. My husband also swears that it tastes better the longer it sits in the fridge - I won't argue with that.  I was introduced to this recipe by my hubby, who specifically requested it from his mom so that we could make it.  And we do make it on a regular basis, adding breakfast sausage for a little extra flavor.  We typically eat it with rice, although it works just as well as a filler for burritos.  To make sure this recipe is gluten-free, use Tamari sauce instead of soy.

Beef Stir Fry

Josh's brother has this amazing habit of bringing over fun foods to cook for us on a regular basis. During his last visit, he brought over some prepackaged Korean boneless short ribs marinated in a ginger sauce.  Being that we ate it along with the honey baked lentils, there was a lot left over.  I ended up cutting up the leftover beef and stir frying it with some frozen veggies and gluten-free teriyaki sauce. There is nothing quite like eating Chinese takeout cooked on your own stove.

Hope you have a great Father's Day weekend!

Cloth Diapers at 16 Months

I almost feel bad writing this, because, well, nothing new has really happened this month.  I mean, Kiddo is definitely growing taller, she is pretty much graduated into size 4 disposables, and she is turning into a real toddler right before my eyes, but nothing has really changed in the cloth diapering department.

A toddler!  Yes, seriously.  I know she still has a ways to go before I'm really in the thick of it.  This month's favorite was pointing at everything and asking, "dat!" She has also taken to running too fast for her own good [awkwardly, with her hands either up shoulder height or flying behind her], then falling flat on her face.  She still hasn't quite figured out the catching-yourself-with-your-hands-when-you-fall thing, resulting in quite a few head bumps and tears.

Her favorite vocal activities include calling all the pets "goo-grr" [good girl] and "ba-da" [bad dog] sequentially, and yelling "hey!" in increasing decibels until you finally respond, to which she replies with a coy, "heeey." We [meaning I] taught her to feed the dogs, and she now pouts if she misses out on any feedings.

And eating; oh eating. She wants what she wants, and will make sure to remind you that her milk is in the fridge and all the good snacks are in the pantry. If its not on her plate, there is a lot of hand gesturing and head shaking and dropping spoons on the floor and eventually disciplining and half the time a hungry toddler goes to bed.

She also has started to enjoy reading again, and we have taught her to put each book away before getting another one. This is much to my delight, because it means I can spend a good half an hour playing with her on the floor and not having to move one inch or clean up afterwards. Her current favorites are The Very Hungry Caterpillar [really, she likes all the holes and the shortened pages], Pat the Bunny [which is now falling apart due to over-use], and Baby Food ["dat. dat. NANA!, dat." sticks tongue out, "dat." Flips pages. "NANA!"]

Adelle - 16 Months 

# of Children: 1

Gender: female

Size: 20 lbs, 30.5 inches tall

Average # of Diapers a day: 7-9

Laundry Schedule: Every three-four days.

 Routine: 1-2 pre-folds used during awake times, all-in-ones during naps, all-in-ones with hemp insert at night

Diaper Size: One size diapers - middle settings, Thirsties covers - size 2, second smallest setting, Disposables - size  4

Leaking?: Not this month.

How's the Poo?: Interesting, and possibly a bit TMI for your reading pleasure.  But if you care to know, corn really doesn't digest, and raisins don't either.

Did you Use Disposables?: Yes, for the babysitters.

Any Changes: none yet, but I'm beginning to [maybe?] predict that we will be adjusting the all-in-ones around the waist soon.

Any Issues: Somehow our changing and laundry schedule has gotten a little wonky, and so the days between washes has slowly spread to four days at times.  While it hasn't caused any stink issues with the diapers themselves, Kiddo's room gets a little stinky from the diapers sitting in the pail for so long. I'm currently in the works with adjusting the number of diapers in each rotation down to make sure diapers get washed a little more often.

Still Like Cloth?: Yes siree.

Baby Shower Gift Ideas For The Cloth Diapering Mama

"So, my friend/sister/cousin/co-worker is having a baby shower and is planning on doing the cloth diaper thing. I really want to support her but I have no idea what on earth to buy!"

Have no fear.  Here's a few cloth diaper friendly gifts from the semi-pro herself! [That was a joke. I'm not really a professional diaper lady; just, well, me.]

[1] If you have a bigger budget, give a diaper sprayer. Diapers sprayers are, in fact, simply attachable toilet bidets, and are used to spray poo off a diaper and into the toilet. While this may not be the most fun gift you've ever given, but it will be a true help for the mama-to-be in the coming months. RinseWorks Aquaus Handheld Bidet [$49.95]

[2] If you like to give practical gifts, give cloth diaper friendly detergent. The importance of cloth diaper friendly detergent is that it's designed to wash cloth diapers without destroying the fabrics' abilities to soak and contain messes. This gift comes with a bit of a fun element to it - you can choose your favorite smell based off classic rock bands. Rockin' Green Cloth Diaper Detergent [$16.00]

[3] If you have a smaller budget, give a wet bag. Wet bags are essentially reusable fabric bags with a waterproof lining, and are used to hold dirty diapers until they can be washed. Large size bags are great for home use, while smaller ones are used when out and about. Wet bags can even be used for soiled clothes and swim suits.  Many independent sellers make wet bags on websites like Etsy [search "wet bag", "cloth diaper wet bag", or "zippered wet bag"]. There are also online sellers such as Planetwise and Kissa's, which can be found on Amazon.   Have fun picking out a fabric pattern you know she'll love. Planet Wise Diaper Wet Bag [$9.50-19.00]

[4] If you like baby clothes, give some baby leg warmers. Baby leg warmers harken back to the 80's with fun patterned, knit leggings.  The point of these cuties are to keep a baby warm without messing with putting too-tight pants over a cloth diapered bum. BabyLegs Leg Warmers [$12.00]

[4] If you want to go bold, give a cloth diaper. Chances are, unless she has a very specific plan for what kinds of diapers she is going to use, any diaper is going to be a wonderful gift.  If there is a store in your town that sells cloth diapers, stop by and ask for recommendations [they will be more than happy to help].  There are also numerous cloth diaper websites with a variety of diapers to choose from.  Here's the nitty gritty: look for an "all-in-one" or "pocket" style diaper, in "one size" - meaning, the diaper is simpler to use, and can be adjusted in size from tiny to toddler. Simply pick your favorite color or pattern, order, then sit back and congratulate yourself on a gift well done.

Here are links to three of my favorite cloth diaper brands - simply pick which one you think is cutest, and go for it. Rumparooz Reusable Cloth Pocket Diaper [$23.50],bumGenius One-Size Cloth Diaper 4.0 [$17.95], Tot Bots Easy Fit One-Piece Diaper [$24.75]

Lastly, don't forget a receipt, *especially* in the case of cloth diapers - receipts are what prove purchase date for things like warranties [Believe it or not, cloth diapers come with warranties!].

*disclaimer: this page contains links to Amazon's affiliate program, which means that if you purchase any of these items through the links, a small percent of your purchase will come back to support this website.  You won't be paying any extra, and you will be helping keep this blogger going [more emotionally than financially really, but that's what's important, right?]. All these links go to products that I personally use and have had great luck with - I have no interest in pointing you to a product that didn't work for me.