She's Here!

In case you haven't heard the news (which I think everyone has, cause I'm quite late getting this posted), but our little girl arrived!

7 lbs 13 oz - 20 in

Meet Imogene Sasha, born Sunday, March 13th at 7:30 pm. She came fast and furious, and we are so thankful she did!

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The whole week before was a bit of a mess of emotions. On one hand, I was beyond excited that this was it! She's going to be here any time now! But also a lot of confusion and frustration that my body was slowly dilating, but not actually going into labor. I have dreamed of getting to experience the process of going into labor on my own, especially so after going through with an induction with Dellie, but knew each day that I was running out of time. Especially scary was the thought that I may never get the chance again if my attempt at a VBAC failed and I needed another c-section. I felt a little bit like a ticking bomb which may or may not actually go off.

Looking back now, it's amazing how God wanted to walk me all the way to end of my own rope and then let me fall for a bit before catching me. It's like He knew I needed to let go (once again) of all my hopes and expectations and dreams for this child and when and how she would be born before He would step in and do His thing.

And once I got to that place, boy did He.

The funny thing is, I have friends who were walking through almost the same situation as us at the same time - waiting for God to pull through and let them have a VBAC. And God did, literally 2 hours before they were scheduled for their c-section. It was incredible! Amazing! God is so wonderful in His timing!

And there was no way He would do the exact same thing for me. My heart thought I knew Him well enough to know He wouldn't perform the same miracle for me, for this baby, for my family.

So I tried and tried for days to make things happen on my own - and the funny thing was, each attempt at starting labor almost had the opposite effect of slowing down or stopping contractions.

Until I came to the end of my rope. And gave up, and let go, waiting to hit bottom. I believed that I was a bomb that would never go off, not without help. I would always need the medical community in order to get my babies out of my body, I was going to have to start labor Sunday night by having my water broken, and hopefully heaven would be kind and it would work. But even then, I believed ultimately that I was eventually going to be staring another c-section in the face.

But God, oh that son of a gun! - He performed the exact same miracle for me. 5 hours before I was scheduled to come in to the hospital for that last ditch induction, the contractions finally stuck (although they weren't painful). 3 hours before I was scheduled to come in, I found myself crying from both the pain of each contraction and the overwhelming fear this wasn't actually labor (which it was). and 30 minutes before I was scheduled to come in, our little girl was born. An incredibly fast, mostly uneventful, very successful VBAC. Everything I had dreamed of experiencing happened. Not a detail was missing.

In so many ways, I'm still in shock.

God used the birth of my first to break down so many lies and ugly areas of my life and to begin a journey of getting to know who He is in the midst of broken dreams and suffering; He used the birth of my second to remind me that He still is the Miracle Maker, the one who binds up my broken heart, who cares about my dreams and wants to give me, His child good things.

I feel like in so many ways this journey is complete. I know there are a lot of loose ends to tie up, but after four long years of battling through how God fits in a broken world, He has finally taken me to end. I am done struggling with my c-section. My scar seems to have faded even more over these last two weeks. I am done facing down secondary infertility (although I may see it come again). Who know's what will come next, but this day, I build my altar.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." 

Lamentations 3:22

Catching Up

Well, hello there.

Long time, no see, little blog of mine.  It's been a nice break, but I'm ready to give a little catch up.  Especially since I have some really wonderful things to tell you about.

These last six months have been pretty good as a whole. I felt like I started embracing the reality of being a mom of one (instead of spending all my energy longing for two). Not that I was the best at it, but the more I released, the freer I felt to just enjoy that I do have a crazy, funny, wide eyed little child who has the whole world in front of her. And it was my job to show it to her.

We spent many a February and March morning walking to the neighborhood orchid tree.  Affectionately named the "purple tree," it became a favorite spot for both kiddo and myself to adventure to.

I also decided it was time to start teaching her the finer things of outdoor life - like blowing dandelion seeds.

The husband has a particular form of nerdism which endears him to board and card games. We felt it was time to start swaying our child's interests in a similar direction, which so far has proven to be successful.

Over spring break, we were invited to visit Josh's parents in Palm Springs and stay the weekend in the beautiful home of some of Josh's extended family.  Kiddo spent most of the weekend like this when she wasn't sniffing every single flower on the premises - of which there were many.

Dellie went on her first hike in May for Josh's birthday.  We took the short trail up "A" mountain by campus with the dogs. Radar was possibly the most excited one out of us all.  

Since said hike, Dellie has also been apt to remind us that we "hiked the mountain one time with the A for Adelle on it."

After school ended in May, my parents were so very, very kind and took us to Disneyland. Dellie fell in love with Minnie Mouse from day one. We may or may not regret letting her choose a Minnie doll of her very own to take home.

As to be expected, the level of crazy has upped in the house as kiddo has gotten older. Her sense of humor has become both a joy and a bit of a trial, but I suppose that is to be expected when one has a three year old.

Over the summer, Dellie caught a cold that turned into a cough that went south - right into her lungs. She was put on antibiotics and a nebulizer for about two weeks, which thankfully healed her right up.

We ended up taking an emergency trip back to Colorado at the end of July when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, the cancer turned out to be not nearly as serious as was originally thought. None of us Phoenicians complained about the chance to get out of the 100+ degree heat either.

And here it we are at the end of September, making short jaunts out to see the flowers again in the early morning hours before it gets too hot. Dellie has started naming the flowers she sees to her liking. These ones, her favorite, she affectionately calls "corn flowers."

Both her and I are beyond happy to seen summer ending, both because it means the heat is going away, and also because I'm finally feeling better enough to do normal life again.  Which brings me to the final bit of news to catch up on:

We are finally expecting baby number two!

It has been a long two years, but God has shown himself faithful and good.  Things have been going very well with this pregnancy, and we are all very excited (and a little terrified) that its really, finally happening!

As for the future, the next sixth months are going to be... interesting, I suppose. Josh is in his last semester of school at ASU.  Can you believe we're actually at this point too? Me neither. We will be walking through college graduation, job hunting, possibly moving out of state (for a job), and having another baby. Whew. It's a lot of huge unknowns for us. We have likened it to feeling like we're staring at a cliff we're supposed to jump off of in just a few short months. And believe that we will land safely somewhere that we can't see from here.

BUT.

But we have seen God walk us through each crazy unknown we've been through before. We trust that He's built that landing spot we can't see to be a good place for us. So we continue to pray that we would be peaceful and trusting of where God will take our family next, and that we would be ready to jump when the time comes.

Post-Surgery Update

Thanks everyone for all the kind words and support over the last few days! The texts, comments and conversations I have gotten to have with each and every one of you has meant the world to me. Seriously.

the obligatory and contraband pre-operation photo.

The surgery went really, really well.  The possibility of finding endometriosis had been tossed around prior to surgery, and I was nervous that the cyst would turn out to be a symptom of that.  But the cyst was simply a dermoid cyst, and there was no sign of endometriosis anywhere!  We are beyond thankful that things, as a whole, are looking good, and I no longer have to share my abdomen with my undeveloped twin.

Recovery so far has been better than I could have imagined. I've already downgraded my pain meds to only at night and can basically function normally - just a lot more slowly and gingerly.

My favorite part has been getting to enjoy breakfast in bed - originally it started because I didn't have the fortitude to get out of bed without the pain meds kicking in first.  Now I just let it happen, because why not?

I'm looking forward, yet completely terrified of the moment the bandages finally come off. The doctor said the scar in my belly button would hardly be noticeable.  I'm beginning to wonder if I even have a belly button any more...

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In other news, we're almost done with a "Dudes" Christmas special!  It was about as last-minute as you could possibly have done it, but I'm proud that we squeezed it in.  We will be posting it on Facebook when it is finally live.

A wonderful Merry Christmas to all of you, and thanks again for your prayers, well wishes and love!

The Long Vacation [Or "Why Kiddo Is Still An Only Child"]

I keep coming back here every so often to see what's going and thinking about writing a post or two about our life.

Turns out, I never write that post, and this little virtual place keeps looking the same.

But I have been feeling more and more like God wants me to jump in again and share a vulnerable area of our life here.

We are struggling through infertility. 

It has been the major reason why I haven't been writing. It's been an emotionally exhausting journey, and until now, I haven't been ready to share it with much of anyone.  I didn't want to admit that it was happening to me, to my family.  But I think I have finally come to a place where in the midst of this trial, I see that God still loves me, my husband, and my child. He cares deeply about what's going on, and he wants to create something beautiful through this pain, if I will let him.

One way that I feel God has been asking me to let him do something beautiful is to be vulnerable with you about this struggle in my life. Because when I see others be vulnerable for the sake of Jesus, I am encouraged and built up.

I will try to do my darnedest to also talk about other things (like catch up on some of the fun we've been having over the last six months!) but along with it will be our journey through infertility and (hopefully soon) another baby.

We have really just started the medical process.  I am going in for surgery later this week to have an ovarian cyst removed, along with a chromoblast to make sure my plumbing is clear.

Please pray for the surgery to go smoothly and that there isn't anything too serious going on with my reproductive organs.  Also that recovery goes smoothly and I can be up and kicking in time for Christmas.

Thanks to you all for your prayers and your love in advance.  It is very, very much appreciated.

-Shelby and the Fam